Full Moon

I am inspired tonight after a week of long walks with my dog, a full moon, the smell of fresh blooms & bbq's and a week of crazy emotions.  Sure everything is in balance right?  This week I was not as excited and fulfilled as I had been.   I can not explain it but somehow I could not bring in my joy fully.  Of course these are the ups and downs of life.
All is well on the business front.  Cleaning business is thriving, growing and my partner has it under control, so thankful that we have turned a corner.    Pathways is getting organized and this week I implemented a Friday lunch with my crew, so that we could check in weekly to maker sure that we are all cohesive in our branding and vibrational message.  Monday meetings are in full swing as we continue to plan for the non profit roll out.  Yes, we were on track, however this week I have been down in the dumps.  I tried everything to come out of this, I took my friend to Boulder to have lunch and see an Apothecary that I would love to model ours after, I walked each night, howled at the moon and even played my music so loud that my soul would move, but each day was unfulfilled.  It was not until tonight where I finally found peace.  I hate having such little control of my emotions.  I tried everything but then on a side note, I gave up bread and most dairy this week too.   Damn life is so confusing... could it be as simple as that?  How about love?  I am also misplaced by my heart longing for love and peace.  Old emotions from the past rolled in and tried to take over, just thankful for the fortunate gift of consciousness and the fact that I do not ever go backwards in life.
What really is this blog about?  Maybe this is the epitome of finding happiness in the weeds, because this week I tried and worked to change my confusion to happiness consciously and no matter what I told myself, I could not move through the emotions.
So funny, I was watching wheel of fortune with my father this week and thought, damn Pat Sajak is always happy.  That is his job! Well it is my job too, as I cant be a leader if I am too caught up in my own emotions for days at a time.   What I found is that I can not always control the downs no matter how hard I try, you just have to wait for that divine timing and be open to the lessons that are presenting themselves.  I know the lesson that I had to learn this week, I was faced with a choice. Patients or self-sabotage.  As much as I yearned to sabotage myself, I still allowed myself to emit flaws in public but at the same time I was aware and allowed myself the space to move through the emotions.  This was a fucking hard week, but I nailed it...kind of.  And if I didn't, there is always next month.