Let go of the story and clarity will return.

I have had the honor to work with an amazing woman and relationship coach, whom I consider a dear friend.  Joanna Kennedy is the CEO & Founder at The Center for Happiness, Love and Pleasure.  Joanna’s gifts and appeal are magnetic and spot on, her presence is encapsulating and her message so profound.  SELF-LOVE!  

Last week Joanna gave a talk and I heard her message over and over and it brought tears.  That message was how can we love anyone if we do not love ourselves first?  This is the essences of relationships and also the base.  She talked about how self-love was the basis for passionate & happy relationships, careers and Lives.   This makes so much sense!  For me personally I have been putting myself last.  Sure I am a happy person in general, but over the years as a mom and wife, self-love was coming in the form of a hug or kiss goodnight.  Where was my passion in ME? 

I have unfortunately and surprisingly found my relationship hanging by a thread.  My marriage of 10 years is now not much more than a shared responsibility with children.  I have separated and found myself in complete disarray as I never imagined that I would be in this position.   I get it, worse things can happen, but a broken heart is so painful.  In order to deal with this pain we create stories.  Stories of what happened, who did what and a new story for each emotion that surfaces.  I found myself one day trying to remember which story was I telling myself that made sense of my anger and which story made me believe that it could go away. 

Last week I finally got to spend time with Joanna in my office.  I was so eager for someone to help me stop feeling the pain and make sense of these emotions, after a long hug, a cry and some loving words, she told me that feeling my emotions was honorable.  That feeling would help me move to clarity, but I needed to stop telling the stories.  Um, did she know just how many stories that I was telling?   Or how many sides to the same stories that I kept in the back of my mind?  She helped me to realize that each story was not a step to clarity as I thought, but that in just feeling the emotions with out the story would.  She commended me for feeling, but in my mind then what?   Just stop there?  Do not explain?  Do not justify?  Do not rehash or try to make sense of it all? 

I took her advice that day and realized that staying in the emotion and not going to the story was choosing self-love.  Working less to make sense of it all and instead putting my energy into getting to the other side of the feeling.  Keeping the vibration of that feeling, but instead of reacting or trying to make myself feel better, just wait.  Then I would raise my vibration by change of venue, answering a phone call or getting outside in nature.  

Clarity does come.  It comes in the form of peace even if just for a moment when the pain subsides.  What seemed so simple is creating a new perspective.  I am human, I hurt like everyone else and I am not alone in this.  This is life, emotions are real and life moves on.  The bigger question she said is how do you want to move on?  What are your values and where are they on you scale? 

When you feel the emotions through, clarity will come.  Stay out of the stories and you will see, life will unfold as it should.   I know that god has a plan for me and my family and I know that it is a happy & joyous plan which is just right around the corner. 

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