Full Moon

I am inspired tonight after a week of long walks with my dog, a full moon, the smell of fresh blooms & bbq's and a week of crazy emotions.  Sure everything is in balance right?  This week I was not as excited and fulfilled as I had been.   I can not explain it but somehow I could not bring in my joy fully.  Of course these are the ups and downs of life.
All is well on the business front.  Cleaning business is thriving, growing and my partner has it under control, so thankful that we have turned a corner.    Pathways is getting organized and this week I implemented a Friday lunch with my crew, so that we could check in weekly to maker sure that we are all cohesive in our branding and vibrational message.  Monday meetings are in full swing as we continue to plan for the non profit roll out.  Yes, we were on track, however this week I have been down in the dumps.  I tried everything to come out of this, I took my friend to Boulder to have lunch and see an Apothecary that I would love to model ours after, I walked each night, howled at the moon and even played my music so loud that my soul would move, but each day was unfulfilled.  It was not until tonight where I finally found peace.  I hate having such little control of my emotions.  I tried everything but then on a side note, I gave up bread and most dairy this week too.   Damn life is so confusing... could it be as simple as that?  How about love?  I am also misplaced by my heart longing for love and peace.  Old emotions from the past rolled in and tried to take over, just thankful for the fortunate gift of consciousness and the fact that I do not ever go backwards in life.
What really is this blog about?  Maybe this is the epitome of finding happiness in the weeds, because this week I tried and worked to change my confusion to happiness consciously and no matter what I told myself, I could not move through the emotions.
So funny, I was watching wheel of fortune with my father this week and thought, damn Pat Sajak is always happy.  That is his job! Well it is my job too, as I cant be a leader if I am too caught up in my own emotions for days at a time.   What I found is that I can not always control the downs no matter how hard I try, you just have to wait for that divine timing and be open to the lessons that are presenting themselves.  I know the lesson that I had to learn this week, I was faced with a choice. Patients or self-sabotage.  As much as I yearned to sabotage myself, I still allowed myself to emit flaws in public but at the same time I was aware and allowed myself the space to move through the emotions.  This was a fucking hard week, but I nailed it...kind of.  And if I didn't, there is always next month.

Stepping into new roles and opening up to new possibilities

The goal for this week was to complete training of my amazing team.  In all of my businesses and at the same time a powerful woman rose to the occasion and stepped into management.  Daphne is now the Business manager of Pathways Holistic Center,  Mari is head of marketing, Teresa has become the Apothecary manager and Anna has brilliantly stepped into partner/manager of One Source Cleaning.   What I thought was going to be a chaotic week where I would be pulled in so many directions, I was taken by complete surprise.  By Thursday these women had full control and responsibility of their place in our business and for the first time I found myself at one desk, behind one computer working on all of the things that I have had to put off.  I can not believe I had attempted to do all of this work myself.  

So Today, as I ponder what to write about, I felt a celebration was in order. Whew, I kept all of that above water for 15 months and managed not to drown in the process but there is no doubt how close I came to that.  Today just for a moment while swamped in the day to day tasks of paying bills, to-do's, emails and phone calls, I celebrated that process of where I was, who I was and who I have become.  I embraced the fact that every bit of control in my life has vanished and a clean slate was born.  It may have been 15 months, but today I saw the first breath of life into those businesses. This week I let go and as my hand unwrapped from the strings to the unknown, I witnessed something taking flight.  

I think I will settle in nicely as the owner/visionary of my businesses.  I realized by letting go, I could accomplish so much more.  With gratitude for my new team I can see abundance, process and form.  My next quest will be to design a system for the accounting and then move on toward creating my biggest vision yet, Touchstone Natural Healing Corporation which is our non-profit. The difference between who I was 15 months ago and who I am today was the realization that thoughts do create reality, the idea that controlling the future is pointless and that love, integrity and authenticity are the keys to abundance & success.  

April is Balance

                                                                         "Balance"

I thought this week I would take a moment to update my happiness project.   April was to be about cooking healthy nutritious meals at home but this is not happening.  April is lending itself to be more hectic than March, however the difference is that I can see all of the hard work in April will shower me with love & peace in May.  This is the tunnel and I can see light.  This month I have taxes to finish, people to train & just as soon as I get that done we start moving into our new home.  All of these strenuous tasks lead to a better life for the kids and I.  I guess you could say "how hard would it be to cook nutritious meals at home and I do, don't get me wrong, but my vision is a beautiful system that lends it self to the joy of cooking again".   That takes some work and I guess I don't really feel at home right now, it is more place where my things are while in transition.  It is full of boxes and remnants of a past life that has vanished before my eyes.  As I find the greater meaning of the situation I realize that I don't want to start all over there even for a brief moment, so I let the past escape me as I look into a future of the unknown.  It is a blank slate, a new beginning if you will.   New rules, new ways and new creations.

In April, I find balance.  This month I will be training, setting up systems and creating the foundation for a bright new future for my business and personal life.  Life is good and I can see that with a little balance in my routine, a lot creativity, belief and that clean slate I will begin to draw my dreams to reality.

A new day, A new business

What an action packed month March was.  If there was an emotion I felt it and if there was a challenge I faced it.  To break it down quickly, we bought a house, helped my folks move from Florida, turned 40 in Vegas and created a completely new business plan and strategy.  

I can hardly catch up on my work possibly because I was out of town for half the month or maybe I cant catch up because as with everything in spring business is blooming.  After last weeks blog, I realized that I had to get into gear and with that I realized it is time to replace myself.  It was time to move to ownership rather spending my day putting our fires.  With this realization I have hired someone who's specialty is creating systems.  I hired her for 20 hours and made a commitment to myself to find a way to manifest the money to move her to full time by May 1st.  I must also say that another woman was called to Pathways to donate her time and she is helping me get the operating system up and running.  This was the piece that too was holding us back from expansion as I could not find the time to simply learn the system.  She is also creating orders, making blends for customers, researching new products and revising the Apothecary.  Our business is blessed!

In addition, spirit brought me another gift.  A woman that I had been working with in my cleaning company showed up ready to take over the day to day in this company as well.  At first, I was in resistance because this was the money that I had been using for a year to keep Pathways afloat.  However, as we were talking and writing up an agreement I was being told to let it go and that this was what I had been asking for for the last 8 months.  Both were conscious decisions to choose a better way of life for myself.  To work in a capacity that will allow more abundance to flow to us all.   

On a spiritual level after making this commitment to my business & life I have never felt so in control in my ability to manifest my reality.  This might have to do with the fact that after all that I have been through personally, I realized how little control I have of the outcome of my future.  Living in the moment and creating reality with my thoughts may seem like a crazy idea, but it is truth and I see it in my life everyday.    

So this week, I stepped back, yes I did!  I realized finally that the day to day is not my job anymore.  I gave myself a promotion an advancement if you will to owner/visionary of my dream.  Welcome April.